Fairways, Feels & First Heartbeats

May began with the moment that changed everything. We took a test, and officially found out that I was pregnant. Even though we’d had our suspicions in April, seeing those lines appear made it real. It was such a special moment. Everything felt like it was going in the right direction. Dad was back home from hospital, and we were spending precious time with him. For a brief moment, life felt a little more stable.

Sadly that comfort didn’t last long. As we settled into this new chapter, it slowly became clear that Dad still wasn’t well. Being at home with him was lovely, but bittersweet there were moments of joy, but always that underlying worry. We chose to keep the pregnancy to ourselves at first. When you find out so early, most people tend to keep it to themselves. It was super hard to not say anything, all I wanted to do was talk to Mum about it!

Despite everything, I was determined to carry on playing golf. I played at my home club, Bewdley Pines, and even took a trip up to Heaton Moor near Manchester (thanks to @thecaddycollective) to play golf with some amazing girls I’d made friends with through Instagram. Ellie, Tee, Charlotte, and Sophie were all so lovely, and it was amazing that social media had brought us all together. Sadly, I only made it through 9 holes. I got another call from Mum, Dad was back in hospital. I packed up my clubs and headed straight home. The girls were so understanding, checking in on me and sending their love.

The following week brought a mix of nerves and excitement, it was our first appointment with the midwife. I’d been having some pain on my left side, and just to be safe, they sent me for a scan the next day. The worry? An ectopic pregnancy. This is when the fertilised egg implants in the wrong area outside the uterus.

Thankfully, everything was okay. The pregnancy was in the right place. What they did find however, was a small cyst on my ovary, something the midwives weren’t too concerned about. 

But there it was, our little jelly bean, with a little flickering heartbeat on the screen. The feeling of seeing it for the first time is hard to describe… part disbelief, part overwhelming love. We even got a little printout of the scan to take home, which still feels surreal.

Given everything going on with Dad, and the scare at the hospital, we decided it was time to tell our parents, show them the scan. It wasn’t how I’d always imagined that moment would go but sometimes life just gets dealt differently. Just a quiet, emotional conversation in the middle of the chaos. And our parents were absolutely over the moon.

From that point on, the rest of May felt like one big game of “don’t give the secret away.” We kept things as normal as possible. We went to the MotoGP at Silverstone — because, in true Dad fashion, he told us off when we mentioned maybe skipping it! I kept up my golf practice, especially with the club champs coming up in early June. I also continued coaching beginner golfers at Gaudet Luce as part of the Swing in Golf programme on Wednesdays.

As for being pregnant… I still didn’t feel all that pregnant. A little bit of sickness here and there, but nothing major, thankfully! What I did notice was getting breathless much more quickly. Playing netball became very tricky without giving away the real reason I was flagging. But golf? Golf was fine. Golf was my constant. At this point, it was my release, my happy place (yes, that’s a Happy Gilmore reference). 

Towards the end of the month, I had my first hair appointment since finding out I was pregnant. Normally I’d get it coloured, but I’d read about avoiding hair dye in the first trimester. So I blamed the hair loss (which was real) and the stress instead, and my amazing hairdresser, who’s also a close friend, didn’t question me once. As much as I reeeeeally wanted to tell her. We made it through the appointment, secret still intact.! 

So… I made it through May.

If you’re still with me on this journey, thank you. From here on, I’ll be sharing weekly blogs as life, pregnancy, and golf will start intertwining more than ever.